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Shudda, Wudda, Cudda.

The first time I read this phrase, ‘Don’t shudd on yourself’ I just thought it was so funny. Probably because I could relate to it so well! I spent years of my life giving out to myself for what I should have and would have and could have done, if this that, and the other had happened differently! What a complete waste of precious time and energy! Well, you cannot do better until you know better!

I could have a ‘Masters qualification’ in berating myself for what I ‘shudda’ done if there were such a thing! A very bad habit indeed. Habit, did I say? Well if it is a habit it is a behaviour and behaviour can be changed! That's the good news!

During lockdown, everything seemed to go ‘online’ and I found the whole thing overwhelming and very frustrating. I had told myself I couldn't learn, so I was right I couldn't! I didn't come from that era of person who needed to know computer stuff so that was the best excuse I had to opt out, in my mind anyway!

So I began to do some work on why I had this idea in my head about myself and why I ‘shudda, wudda, cudda, not learn IT. I decided to check myself every time I called myself a name or said something nasty to myself and change it to something positive. Guess what? It felt so good. Well, I thought if someone else was speaking to me in the way I was speaking to myself, would I tolerate it? I certainly would not, so why was I expecting others to be respectful of me, if I wasn't being respectful of myself?

That was the starting point. Praising myself for what was going right, took some time to master. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, as I was not accustomed to appreciating myself. Again a behaviour that needed to be reprogrammed and relearned! Now I seek out the positive things in what I am attempting to do. Especially if it is something new that I haven't tackled before! The subconscious mind is very good at giving us evidence that we are correct when we think we cannot do it. Then it keeps giving us more of the same as long as we keep the old-style thinking going, just to prove to us that we are right.

The next thing that happened was, that I began to take on board what I was learning in class about Zoom lessons, creating exam questions, and lots of other things besides. As soon as the pressure of putting myself down stopped, the avenue opened up for new information that was much more useful.

The default program now switches to positive instead of negative, but it took a while to change it. Well if you have a lifetime of putting yourself down, then it will take a little work, to build yourself up!

If you are a shudda wudda cudda person, now is a good time for change. Stop criticising yourself, praise your achievements no matter how small. Consider this, if you were working with your child would you criticise or praise? So in reprogramming the subconscious to respond positively to new situations, really we are working with our inner child, and then we get evidence that the new thoughts are correct. That is how it works.

Maybe it is time to start appreciating yourself if you are falling down the hole of berating yourself, time to take action and change those thoughts to positive ones, the benefits are many.

Leave the shudda on the shelf the wudda in the wardrobe, and the cudda in the cupboard and live the life you were meant to, happy and relaxed!

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